The Astros are gonna rob us blind tonight just like they've been robbing everyone since 2017, so might as well get used to losing in Houston since that's apparently where we're headed anyway.
We haven't scored yet in Houston and honestly that tracks with everything else in my life right now so I'm going to say we pull it out just to feel something again.
The Astros are built for this kind of early stranglehold, and we're down 3-0 in the second inning of a team that's basically playing out of a suitcase.
Down 3-0 in the third inning to the team that cheated their way past us and I'm still here watching like some kind of emotional masochist waiting for lightning to strike twice.
The A's are like a ghost haunting someone else's house—they don't even know how to fight back in a place that was never meant to be theirs.
We're down 5-0 in the 5th inning to the team that cheated their way to a ring and we still have to pretend this matters before we move to Las Vegas.
We're down four runs in Houston with nothing but ghosts and regrets, so at this point I'm just hoping the bus home breaks down somewhere nostalgic.
Even the Astros feel bad enough about Houston to not run up the score, but we're still losing to them in their house like we're the ones who cheated.
The A's are down four in the ninth in Houston, which tracks perfectly with everything else—we're real good at leaving things behind.
The A's are coming to Minute Maid like a man showing up to a gunfight with a strongly worded letter, and our pitching is sharpening knives in the kitchen.
The A's are the one team in baseball that makes me sweat because their front office is basically us from 2013, and I know exactly what that looks like when it clicks.
Three runs through two innings against Oakland's pitching is exactly what we expect from a team that learned to develop talent instead of stealing signs.
We're up 3-0 in the third against Oakland and I'm still checking the replay angles for sign-stealing because apparently that's just who we are now.
Look, we're up five on Oakland in the fourth inning at home with our pitching, so unless the baseball gods decide to remind us we're still living in 2017, we're walking out of here with a W tonight.
The A's are about as threatening as a participation trophy right now, and Framber's already got this thing gift-wrapped with a bow on top.
The way our pitching is dealing tonight, the A's have about as much chance as a beach ball in a hurricane.
The A's are about to learn what it's like to lose in a building where we've already paid our karma dues a thousand times over.
We're up four runs in the ninth against Oakland and I'm still convinced the baseball gods are gonna find a way to make this hurt because apparently that's my inheritance as an Astros fan.